Not another SelfInsertion OC story!
by XrhiaX
Summary: Just me screwing around with the whole 'I woke up in Avatar land and fell in love with Zuko/Sokka/Aang' storyline, and generally taking the piss out of it. May or may not continue it. Me x Me. Co-written with my evil sister. T for teenaged silliness.
1. Oh noes! I landed in Avatarland!

It was a regular Tuesday morning and I was snoring in my bed, in a blissful half-sleep. _No school, _I grinned to myself. No school, because I'd dropped out a full year ago, and that wasn't a problem for me. I rolled over in my glorious, warm cocoon of a bed, drooling on my pillow and cuddling my duvet. Happy days.

At least, that's what it should have been. Before I knew what was going on, my bed – the bed itself – was being ripped out from under me. "Get out of my house, hoodlum! What have you done with my daughter!" a booming voice screamed above me, and I felt the urge to say 'say it, don't spray it'. Seriously, the guy was sending spittle all over me, and I hadn't done anything!

As it turned out, what I had been sleeping on was instead a mat, and the pillow under my head had been stuffed with straw, and not synthetic cotton as I'd expected. And now I was sitting on the floor, staring up at a man in … earth … kingdom … clothes.

'_You have got to be kidding me,' _my face fell into a dull irritation. _'This shit actually __**happens?**__'_

"Well! What have you got to say for yourself?" the man standing over me shouted irately.

I snorted and got up. "Relax," I dusted off my pajamas – the stretchy supposed-to-be-a-tracksuit ones – and raised a hand to scratch my head. Alright, I knew how to end this. All I had to do was find whoever it was I was paired with, make out with them, have a steamy 'this can never be' argument, then nobly decide I'm needed elsewhere, and then I could go home. Right? There was just this little kink to work out; the man standing over me. "I'm er … yeah, I'm the Avatar," I stated distastefully. Honestly, what else could I say? I needed an excuse. This one just fit. "And your daughter is fine. I guess."

The man gasped in surprise and then breathed a sigh of relief. "Really?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah …" I answered quickly, ruffling my hair groggily. Why hadn't I put on eyeliner before going to bed? I'd look a lot better that way. "… Yeah, Sure … why not?" I murmured in reply, and then set about figuring this whole mess out. _'Alright, I'm a fanfic writer. I can sort this whole thing out. I need to do something. But first …' _I turned to the man with the missing daughter. "Hey … uh … what do you have in the way of breakfast?" I asked, arching a brow.

He stared at me. "But … my daughter … where is she?"

I stared right back. And then my eyes went wide. _**HOLY SHIT. **_If I'd woken up in another girl's bed – in the Avatar world, whatever – then someone from **this **timeline was in the real world … probably screwing things up … Oh, shit. What if she got on my computer? What if she discovered that she was in a cartoon? What if she ruined my reputation as a fan fiction writer? Oh, sweet Jesus, what then?

"She's uh … yeah … how about those uh … platypus-bears …" I trailed off, and moved toward the window near the bed. _'Let's hope this writer's given me some bending abilities …' _I thought, as I ducked out the window, butt first on the window sill, then feet over and a back-flip out. Airbending would be nice, or earthbending. To catch me, you know. No such luck. I got firebending; which was completely useless when you needed to catch yourself from falling out of a two-story building. I hit the dirt with a thump - in real life, I'd have been dead, but of course ... this was the Avatarverse. Dammit.

And me! Hotheaded? Everyone knew firebenders were hot-blooded and tempered and passionate and crazy nutcases with an INSANE tendency to overreact and that was **so **not me! **Honestly! **I mean, here I was, transported to the Avatar world in my sleep – my sweet and sacred, lovely, lovely SLEEP – and expected to go on a crazy manhunt after Zuko – or at least, I assumed I was being paired with him – and I hadn't even batted an eyelash. Just, 'uh-huh', 'okay', 'how about that' and on my way. That just PROVED that I was nowhere near hotheaded enough to make me a firebender! Maybe a fire-nation non-bender, but not a firebender.

'_**Oh, but for story purposes you have you be a firebender!'**_

I blinked and looked around. "Hello?" I queried, making a face. Alright. I had to have a brain tumor; now I was hearing voices.

'_**Your destiny … is … going to be so epic …'**_

I smacked a hand to my forehead. "Aw, shit," I murmured. Not only would I have to endure this hell, but also hear whoever it was responsible for this crap. "Hey, ASSHOLE!" I cupped my hands around my mouth and shouted up at the sky. "WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM! I HAVE THINGS TO DO! PEOPLE TO SEE! I CAN'T BE CAUGHT UP IN AVATAR LAND LIKE THIS!"

'_**But you already are, all the time. Sat at your computer. All day. Instead of loading my computer game.'**_

My eyes went wide. "_No_," I whispered, and stepped back, raising my hands to firebend at the sky. "This can't be happening!" I screamed, and shook my head in denial. Of all the people to trap me here … my sister! How could she have betrayed me like this? What was she trying to prove? What did she want from me?"How could you do this to me?" I shouted at the sky. "You betrayed me!"

'_**Enjoy the ride, Rhia. See if you can find your way out! Muahahaha!'**_

I turned away from where the voice was coming from and ran, ran as fast as I could. I had to find whoever she had paired me with.

And that meant I was hunting the Avatar. A reluctant grin settled on my face.

"_Sweet," _I murmured as I ran in my stretchy, totally-not-matching-the-setting tracksuit pajamas. And then I proceeded to hum the theme song with much gusto, unbrushed brown hair bouncing on the wind, groggy, unlined eyes staring toward the sunset-

_'WAIT, WHAT? Sunset? I just woke up! __This makes **no **sense!'_

_- _and my stomach rumbling for McDonalds breakfast. I would never survive this.


	2. Geebus! A wild Jet has appeared!

"Alright, where am I going now?" I asked the sky, tucking my hands into the pockets of my tracksuit pajamas. Of course, the sky didn't answer, but it didn't hurt to try. I supposed I should try to enjoy my stay in the Avatar-verse, since this kind of shit probably didn't happen too often. Maybe just to those fanfiction writers who neglect their stories. Or the ones that do really, really _good _work.

Wasn't really sure whether this was a curse or a reward. But oh-well.

"HALT!"

Oh, Geebus, what now? I arched my brow and stopped walking, as I marched through the forest I'd conveniently wound up in. Admittedly, I'd been wondering whether I was in Jet's forest or the one Ozai had burnt down while - yaknow - trying to take over the world and all that pizzazz. But now, I guess I'd find out.

"Hello? Anyone there?" I glanced up, crossing my arms. Man, I still hadn't _eaten _anything. Why didn't this place have a fast-food chain, or something? Maybe I could try some komodo-chicken. That had sounded pretty good; even though I'd first imagined the meat skewered on a kebab, with peppers and onions and cheese. Mmm …

At this point, a familiar freedom fighter dropped down from the trees - merry men in tow. "We don't let Fire Nation scum through our forest," Jet put his hands on his hips in true peter-pan demeanor. I had to fight not to laugh.

"Chill, I'm not Fire Nation," I raised my hands innocently. "Actually, I'm, uh …" Oh, great! Now was a brilliant time to find out what point in the story I'd dropped into. Jet was still alive, so it couldn't be before he croaks, but he wasn't in Ba Sing Se, so it couldn't be long after the Jet episode. "Actually, I'm looking for the Avatar." And then I realized that was kind of dumb to say.

Jet sauntered - almost in a girly way - toward me. I had to admit, he was pretty hot. Even though I didn't ship him often. Maybe I really should have. His hands dropped from his hips, and he drew a hooksword to aim it at me. "And you say you're not Fire Nation," he pointed out sarcastically. "What's with your clothes?" he demanded, his weird eyebrows inching up on his brow.

I glanced down at myself. Oh, right. Red and purple tracksuit pajamas weren't exactly … convenient for me. "I, uh … I'm not from around here?" I tried awkwardly. "See … uh … I'm from the uh … city!" I blurted suddenly. "Yeah, yes; I'm from Ba Sing Se, you see, and this is the latest fashion in the upper ring," I heard the words come out of my mouth, and wondered if he'd believe me.

I spotted Longshot out of the corner of my eye - though, quite how, I have no idea, since I'm extremely shortsighted - and noticed him pulling back an arrow on his bow. Jet raised a hand, his eyes still fixed on me. "At ease, Longshot!" he called up to his friend, who immediately complied. Jet's eyes then narrowed at me. "This isn't the upper ring, city girl. What are you doing this far from home?" Jet sheathed his sword. "I nearly cut your head off."

Could it be? Had my sister been so kind as to ship me with Jet? He had given me a nickname! Did that make me ... No. No, she was just messing with me. Had to be. Besides, if Jet was this cute in first-hand experience, imagine what _Zuko _would be like.

I shrugged. I really wished I wasn't wearing a tracksuit; I probably looked like fucking grape. "It's a long story. Like, longer than it has to be. Like, if you wanted to write it down for similarly-minded people to read, it would drag out for a hell of a lot longer than need be."

Jet was unimpressed.

"I mean … I'm on vacation."

Still not impressed.

"I'm stalking the Avatar?"

His brow furrowed. "Uh … okay?" he chuckled - my, what a lovely sound - and then shook his head. "Why?"

I could have a little fun, right? "Because his beautiful waterbender friend is my secret forbidden lover!" I blurted, and for effect, I even put my hands together and made a classic puppydog-lovey-eyes pose. "I've searched far and wide for my sweet Katara, and I must find her!" I added for good measure. Three, two, one, and …

I had never, _never _seen a man suddenly choke and fall apart the way he did. He looked freaking _horrified. _His mouth just crumpled and his eyes went wider than … than … like, huge, chocolate coins! You know what I'm talking about, right? Whatever. It was amazing. He just _stared, _for a really, ridiculously long time at me, and I struggled to keep my features straight. This would only be funny as long as I kept my poker face.

Smellerbee suddenly guffawed from behind Jet, and then the Duke and Pipsqueak joined in. Jet turned and roared at them.

"_**SHUT UP!"**_

At this point, I freaking lost it, doubling over and screaming laughter into my hands. I even had to sit down on the forest floor. Jet ran away, through the trees, and it made me laugh even harder. Why was I so freaking epic? There was a tiny sniggering sound, and I looked up to see Longshot with the bridge of his nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger, fighting the laughter off. Jeez! I got a snigger from _Longshot! _I should be a freaking comedian!

Hang on. Did I really look like a lesbian? Wah! Dammit. Well … maybe without makeup and a hairbrush and actual freaking clothes, I probably looked pretty dykey.

But still! I was a sexy beast when I put my mind to it.

"_Your sexy is nothing compared to mine," _my sisters voice felt the need to interject.

I grinned.

"**HOLY BADGERMOLES! THE SKY IS TALKING!"** Smellerbee suddenly screamed, and the rest of the freedom fighters disappeared, running.

It was, of course, time to do a dance. It was just fitting. Macarena? Yes. Macarena. I proceeded to dance, while walking … east? Sure. East; back toward Ba Sing Se. Hopefully I'd get there before team Avatar. "One, and-a two, and-a three a-Macarena …"


End file.
